Singin' to Jesus

Grad school

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 23:21:07 GMT

I'm so back and forth on this issue of education vs. performance. As far as grad school goes, the only real way to get into teaching high school is to get a California teaching credential, since Trevor and I want to move back here after grad school. If we waited a couple years, I suppose it might be worth it to get a credential in the state we go to grad school (assuming we do go out of state). But I do want a masters, so I would be doing both. Plus what if my observation hours don't "transfer" because I did them in California instead of Colorado or Indiana or wherever, or because it was too long between when I did them (now) and when I apply for a credential program? And then when we did come back to California, I would have to take the CBEST and CSET anyway. At least I think I would. I could always teach in a private school with a masters, but I dunno. With a credential program you get the actual teaching experience.

I'm afraid that if I don't get a masters in voice, my vocal training and performance experience will be wasted in a way. I'm afraid that I will stop singing if I become a teacher. I won't have time to take lessons or sing in a choir or do community theatre or opera. It's not that I want to be a professional performer who is always getting up and leaving her family to go travel around the world. I've worked too hard on my relationship with Trevor and I want a family too much to do that. I just don't know how the timing would work out. I guess the best thing to do would be to apply to out-of-state grad schools for a masters and then see where we go after that. It's not hard to get a credential––it only takes a year, so I could definitely manage to do it if we moved back to California. I think the CBEST and CSET scores are valid for 5 years, so if I take them next year I can still use them when we come back after grad school.

The other question is what to get a masters in. Music ed is the obvious choice if I want to be a teacher eventually. Conducting is also right up there for teaching purposes, but I don't think I'm good enough at conducting to get into grad school for it, or at least I won't be by the time I have to apply/audition. I really like the idea of musicology, and I find music history really interesting, but I could see myself getting bored and itching to actually perform instead of just research. And of course voice... I love to sing and performing is a lot of fun, and I feel like I can actually compete for spots in schools as well as roles. But I don't know if those things are worth spending more hours in a practice room, learning IPA till I want to die, and being afraid every day that I'm going to wake up sick.

I wish I could apply to each school in multiple areas and see where I get accepted and as what. I think at U Colorado-Boulder, I could apply for a dual masters, so maybe I could apply as music ed and voice. I guess I could always drop one if I decide I like one a lot better. I wonder if they have that option at Indiana or NYU. Or like, the option to do a masters and a credential at USC. If I went to SJSU, that would be easy––I would just get a credential. I think I will also probably apply to San Francisco Conservatory, because I think Trevor is going to check out Stanford and Berkeley, and I don't want to be limited to SJSU if he ends up going either of those places. So I guess a lot of it depends on where he gets in too.

My plan at this point is to make a demo CD over the summer (with the help of the fabulous Ian Perry) and apply to at least some schools as voice. I have to send screening materials for those, and if they are due before the applications for other areas (like music ed), I can maybe apply in those areas instead if I don't get invited for a live audition.

Oi. I hate having to know right now what I want to do for the rest of my life.

On relationships and marriage

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 07:08:26 GMT

What makes a relationship valid?

If you had asked me a year or even a few months ago, I would have said the level of commitment that a couple has to each other, regardless of whether or not they are married, and regardless of whether or not they plan on marrying in the near future. I definitely would NOT have said that marriage, or the imminence of one, is the only thing that can prove the strength of your relationship. In the last couple weeks, however, I've discovered that this is what many people out there think--that you can ONLY have a valid, reasonably mature relationship if you are married or are about to be married.

I got to thinking about this mainly because Trevor and I were looking for a small group at our church. We attended a small groups dinner where several groups were formed. Most of them were college-age, single-sex studies that met in the evenings when we have class. The only other options were a group for young married couples and older adults. So we asked the pastor what he thought would be good for us, as a young unmarried couple who had been dating for 3 years and wanted to be in a small group together. When we mentioned that we were dating, he kind of chuckled like, "Oh, that's it? You must not be ready to do a group together." He then found us a group of mixed-age couples. We sat down with them, and their first question was, "So, are you married?" Of course we said no, but that we had been dating for a long time, and the response all around the table was, "Oh..." and the accompanying "knowing" looks--as if not being married suddenly made us less of a couple.

Generally speaking and for these purposes, a mature person is someone who recognizes that they are not ready for marriage and is willing to wait until they are ready, because it will be the best thing for both them and their future spouse. I do realize that everyone can be "ready" at different times in their life, and that's fine. Personally, I'm not ready for marriage, and I don't think I will be until I have a college degree in my hand. It's the simple principle of delayed gratification. Having it now won't make it any better... in fact, waiting might make it even better than it would be now. I think a mature person is aware of this concept and wants to abide by it because it will be best for themselves and their significant other in the long run.

So if waiting is a sign of maturity, why are committed yet unmarried couples looked down on? Trevor and I have been dating for 3 years, including 9 months of long distance, and have never once come close to breaking up. We disagree, yes, but we know how to talk about issues instead of getting angry. In February we exchanged promise rings that we wear on our left middle fingers because we want to honor the sanctity of marriage when we do get there. We are always looking for ways to serve the other person and make life for them as good as it can be. We are careful with our money and have realistic ideas and goals for the future. In a nutshell, we are on the road to marriage, but we are not there yet, and we know it.

And yet in spite of all this, we are viewed by a lot of people as "illegitimate" even though we probably have a much better relationship than a lot of married couples. Just because our rings are on the wrong finger and we don't have a piece of paper with our signatures on it, we MUST not be ready for marriage. We MUST not be capable of growing together spiritually in a Bible study for couples. We MUST be silly and immature for thinking of where we want to live when we are out of school and ready to start a family. We MUST do everything the wrong way, simply because we are waiting till we graduate to get engaged and married.

It works on the flipside too. Just because a couple is married, they MUST automatically have their lives together. They MUST have a perfect relationship, and they MUST be completely mature and ready to support each other. Otherwise why would they be getting married, right? No. Having a ring on your finger and a marriage certificate does not make you any better, more mature, more independent, more worldly, or more whatever than any other committed couple who might be choosing a slightly different time frame.

In a nutshell, I'm tired of us being looked down on as an immature, illegitimate, invalid couple simply because we're not married. Marriage does not solve all your relationship problems--in fact, it creates more. We know this, and we've decided to wait to marry until we are ready to support each other in the way that we both deserve. In the meantime, we are growing together as a couple on our way to marriage. We've been through a lot together, and I don't just mean time, I mean life experiences on both sides. We've been there for each other constantly, whether or not we knew the other person's side completely, and not very many couples can say that. If all of the above doesn't make us a legitimate couple, I don't know what does.

last day of work!

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 17:37:38 GMT

I'm sitting in my office on my last day of work. It's been a very interesting summer, I must say. The job had both its good and bad points. I really enjoyed doing stuff with the students and bonding and everything, and it was interesting to see the other side of youth ministry, the "behind the scenes" if you will. Plus I did get to hang out with Cara the whole summer, which was AMAZING. :D On the other hand, sometimes the logistical details were really frustrating, and I never really know what to expect from my boss (who shall remain nameless). She sometimes did things that bugged me for various reasons. I think overall, I would have enjoyed the job a lot less if Cara hadn't done it with me.

One thing that was hard sometimes was figuring out how to be a leader instead of a student. A lot of the older high school students were in the youth group when I was, and I've grown up with a lot of them, so it was easy to fall back into just being one of them and not really being a leader. But I think I did an ok job. I do think the kids respond better when they know their leader is on their side, and that's what I tried to do. I didn't try to be the cell phone/iPod nazi or anything, just let them do their thing. I always tried to keep in mind what I liked and didn't like in my leaders when I was a student, and to do the things I remembered liking.

I think this job gave me a better idea of how much work goes into youth ministry. There was a lot of planning involved on top of just the driving and the supervising, and a lot of little details had to be taken care of. I definitely also became a better driver, especially of those big scary cars that I hated driving until this summer. Now I'm excited when I get to drive my mom's Tahoe. :D

So all in all, good summer... but I'm glad to be finishing and going back to SLO soon.

I guess maybe I should update...

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 00:42:52 GMT

...since it's been at least a month. Oops.

My summer job is super fun! Basically I hang out with Cara all day and we pretend to be productive even when there's nothing really to do. For example, today we made a flyer and spent the rest of the day going to Starbucks and going to her house for lunch and playing with her dog.

But in all seriousness, we do a lot. We've already taken the senior highs on houseboats at Shasta, which was quite an experience in itself. I've never driven that long before, and I had to drive my mom's Tahoe. It was fine though. We also did junior high VBS which involved more driving all around the Bay Area, and we've been doing lots of day events, like a mall hunt (super fun), A's games, and the beach. Plus we make a lot of phone calls to find out if kids are actually coming to stuff, and to set up events at certain places. It really is a lot of fun. Next week is our missions trip to San Diego, so that should be good too.

Last week was our Trinity trip, which was fun. Nothing too out of the ordinary, but it was a nice time to relax, wakeboard, and just hang out.

I've also been reading a lot... I've already finished 3 books this summer, and next on the list is the 7th Harry Potter book! Eeeek. I hope none of my favorite characters die... which they probably will. *tear*

And now I'm off to hang out with Laura and BD... bye!

what college has done to me

Tue, 29 May 2007 17:01:18 GMT

When I was at Valley, I used to get up 2 hours before school started, so I would have time to shower, get dressed, groom myself, eat breakfast, and make sure I was completely presentable before I left the house. If I overslept even by 10 minutes, I freaked out and felt rushed, and it threw my schedule off for the rest of the day.

So much for that.

I opened my eyes this morning and looked at my clock. 8:48. I had piano proficiency at 9, and I live a 10-minute walk from the music building. I hopped out of bed, put my glasses on, put my hair up, grabbed my keys and a mint, put on a sweatshirt, and left. I was on time to class and I did fine on the test.

Oh the joys of college.

week 8

Fri, 25 May 2007 01:09:42 GMT

Oops, I guess I failed at updating often.

I think I'm just about over the midterms-papers-concerts hump of the quarter. All my tests are done, and I only have one more possible paper (he might not even assign it) and my theory project due the last day of class. I'm in the middle of the piano proficiency exam (it lasts for 3 weeks), but it's going well and I'm doing just fine. I've already done 2 out of the 6 parts (improv and transposition), and I still have harmonization, accompanying, sightreading, and prepared piece to do.

The choir concert went really well. We had 9 hours of rehearsal in the 3 days before our concert, and we needed every one of them. But we pulled off both pieces really well, with only one "tear" (haha, band people) that I noticed in Belshazzar's Feast. I'm kinda sad they're over, because they were really fun to sing. But now we're working on the Durufle Requiem, and that's fun too. It's a much smaller choir, which is nice, and it's so easy compared to the pieces we just did! Plus it's for the PAC organ premiere concert in June, which is going to be AMAZING.

What else? Oh, I got a summer internship at church! Cara and I are the summer youth interns... she's doing junior high and the younger kids, and I'm doing high school. So I get to go on houseboats and the mission trip, and basically drive kids around all summer. Haha. It'll be fun though!

Trevor and I are going camping this weekend, since I can't go with my family. We're going really early tomorrow morning to get a spot (we hope) at a first-come-first-serve place. We had to declare a no-homework weekend because that's all we ever do and we don't ever get to really talk to each other, and it's probably easier to do that if we go camping and get off campus... oh darn. :) And then Yohanna and Chris's wedding is on Sunday, yay! And then Monday is a holiday, so that'll be the catch up on homework/quartet rehearsal/voice lesson/study day. Hooray.

Off to review for the midpoint exam... bye!

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 01:48:36 GMT

This quarter is going pretty well so far. I don't feel overwhelmed or anything, so that's good. I have been doing a lot of practicing lately because juries are this quarter, but I'm not in over my head.

Although we did just have a meeting about the midpoint exam, and that was kinda scary. It's a test that music majors have to take at the end of the second year, and it covers theory, musicianship, piano skills, and the jury. I'm ok with everything except musicianship... I haven't taken it in a year, and even then it was difficult. So we'll see how that goes.

I did find out that I got an internship this summer! I'm one of the summer youth interns at my church at home, which I'm really excited about. It should be a lot of fun!

This weekend I'm going to Spokane to visit Kalen, yay! I haven't seen her since September, so I'm glad I get to go see her at school. I hope I don't freeze...

And other than that, not much else is new. This post basically served the purpose of having something to do that's not going to distract Trevor while he's working madly on homework. Such is our life... I'm a music major and have no homework, he's a history major and has a ton. That whole 21 units thing doesn't really help either, I guess. Trevor, if you're reading this, I would do some of your work for you if I could!

Jess made really good cinnamon rolls today. Yum. But I'm still hungry, so I'm gonna go find something for dinner. Bye!

2 weeks in

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 06:45:07 GMT

SO, it's been 2 weeks of spring quarter, and here's how it's all looking!

Contemporary Theory: Not too bad. It's not as scary as I expected. We just had our first quiz today and I think I did fine. Of course, I already have a presentation on Monday on Stravinsky, and then I have the final project to worry about. I can either do a composition or an analysis... any suggestions?

America's Music: Pretty fun! It's a pretty small class, and Dr. Russell is very entertaining. He's really enthusiastic and talks really fast, and he tells really good (relevant) stories. He also plays us a lot of music, so that breaks up the lecture really well.

Biopsych: Not terrible. It's at the very end of the day, so that's kind of a disadvantage already, because we're all falling asleep. The professor isn't very exciting, but oh well. He wrote the book, which is more a collection of lecture notes, so I just follow along and highlight and read over them later, and it's fine.

Woodwinds: Pretty good, especially since I'm the only one in there who's ever played a woodwind before. We're starting with clarinet, so of course J had to tell everyone about my mom. I don't know what all we're going to cover, but it should be kinda fun.

Practicum: Actually mildly enjoyable... I can't believe I'm saying that. We've been doing lots of English diction and learning how terribly we all speak. We also watched a really gross video of the inside of the throat when someone screams. But it's fun to hear everyone sing.

Piano: Just fine. This is the last quarter of the series, ending in the piano proficiency test, which is our final. It lasts 3 weeks and there are 6 parts to it, but she's giving us the material way in advance, so I'm not really worried about it.

PolyPhonics/U Singers: We're learning 2 major works for this quarter (the Vaughn Williams "Dona Nobis Pacem" and the Walton "Belshazzar's Feast", and they're HARD, especially the Walton. They both have a lot of loud high stuff, but luckily Tom lets us take it down the octave when learning it. In spite of all that nasty stuff though, I really like them both.

Quartet: We just met today for the first time, because we may be doing a small ensemble concert at the end of the quarter. We have a couple new songs and some rearranging of parts that I think will help us a lot.

Lessons: Katherine is having me do 2 French pieces that are kicking my butt. I've been spending a lot of time with IPA and a French dictionary. Although she is letting me pull out the "Rejoice Greatly" from last year for our spring recital, so I'm really excited about that.

So what else is new? I'm looking for a summer job, hopefully doing something I actually enjoy. I applied for a youth internship at my church, and that would be my first choice. I also applied at The Music Place, a Christian-run music studio, which would be fun too. And of course the staples: Barnes & Noble, Borders, and the scrapbook store.

I have housing worked out for next year too. I'm living with Jen, my Bible study leader, who already has an apartment right off of Foothill (close to campus), and we're looking for 2 other girls. Trevor is living in Cerro with Tyson and Eric, which will be nice because I know them, and also because it's a place to crash on campus. :D

Other than that, not much is going on. Things to pray for would be for me not to worry so much about the future (like where I should go to grad school and what I should study), but to just let God lead me where He wants me. I feel like He's been calling me in a different direction than I kind of expected, so pray that I will be able to listen and follow.

Wow, it's been a long time...

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 21:08:22 GMT

Winter quarter is over and I'm home on spring break, yay! :D Finals went pretty well... I think I did fine in all my classes.

Next quarter I'm taking:
20th Century Theory
America's Music
Biopsychology
Woodwind Methods
Vocal Practicum
Piano
U Singers
PolyPhonics (hopefully)
Quartet
Voice lessons

That's 19 units total. Oi vey.

This week I'm not really doing anything. Just relaxing, reading, working on my scrapbook, going to a Sharks game, going to a couple concerts, hanging out with Trevor, hopefully hanging out with other people too... ok, I guess that is something. :P

What else is new? Ryan got his license. I feel like I just got mine. It's weird because I've only driven with him once.

Oh! And if you want to see some pictures of stuff I've been doing lately, here are some links to my facebook pictures.
Winter quarter
New York trip over Christmas break
Other Christmas break pictures

And I promise I'll try to update more during spring quarter. I kinda failed this quarter... oops.

the amazing power of God, and how He works through prayer!!!

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 16:48:37 GMT

You guys might think this is just another far away story, but it's not. This happened to someone I know personally, at my high school. I met Katie in middle school theatre, and then she came to Valley 2 years after I did. She was diagnosed in high school with RSD, a serious neurological disease that causes your whole body to deteriorate. My mom has been keeping in touch with her family for the past few years, and she got this email today from Katie's mom and sent it on to me.

We have an incredible story to share . . . . .

A brief history . . . . . a father, also a teacher at Valley Christian High School, has a daughter named Paula. Paula is a senior at Valley Christian High School. Paula has had a difficult life, was abused extensively as a child, lived in many foster homes, then was adopted by this wonderful family when she was 11. Paula continued to grow in her Christian walk. She has a truly amazing testimony. This father specifically heard from God, during the 2006 Christmas holiday season, that he should tell his daughter that, "She will be able to heal people through prayer, and that he should tell her." He shared the message with his daughter, Paula, that evening in the car. The first words from Paula's mouth were, "Katie, I want to pray for Katie."

Days and a couple of weeks passed, and on the 8th of January the students were back in school for their second semester. Katie and Paula share a class. After talking to Paula on Wednesday evening, she shared with me that she had felt a strong urging on Monday from God to pray for Katie. She was afraid and nervous, the class time passed, the bell rang. Again on Wednesday, JANUARY 10, 2007, Paula felt the same urging, resisted, then saw a moment when Katie was up front talking with the teacher. She was afraid and very nervous but went up to Katie and told her she wanted to pray for her. Paula and the teacher began to pray over Katie asking for God to heal Katie. After a few moments, Paula closed and turned to return to her seat. She then felt a crushing pressure on her chest, and a feeling that she wasn't finished. She turned and walked back to Katie, and began to pray again, touching each of her RSD affected limbs. Each limb shook, and Paula could feel a great warmth surge in Katie's limbs. Katie fell to her knees, then to the ground, curled up in a fetal position, and her whole body trembled. The teacher suspected Katie might be having a seizure and called for help. Other teachers came to the room. Katie, though never unconscious, became more coherent and aware of the situation, and began to cry - because - she felt NO pain. She sobbed uncontrollably.

Katie stood up and they took her to the office, still crying. The students and teachers that witnessed this were crying. The office staff gathered around Katie and began to pray and were overwhelmed with emotion. It was incredibly overwhelming to understand and process what had happened. For ALL of us! We've cried here at home off and on for the last few days.

Though this sounds like it could be a story in a book . . . . . it is true! Praise God! The doctors felt Katie could have RSD and it's horrid pain for a lifetime. She was scheduled for a ganglion block/catheter on Tuesday, the 16th, to give her some temporary pain relief. She was also scheduled for a high risk surgery to implant an upper body cervical spinal cord stimulator on January 22. We were researching and considering more aggressive treatments in Seattle and Germany. Today, she continues in her 4th day 100% free of pain. We've canceled all surgeries. Katie has even turned off her lower body spinal cord stimulator and feels no pain.

We've talked to her doctors at Stanford and they are not only amazed but thrilled. They've occasionally had situations where pediatric RSD gradually leaves a body over a period of a couple of months, never suddenly. Her main doctor at Stanford has since told me, "I believe in the power of prayer." We meet with the doctors at Stanford and Kaiser later this week.

We are truly humbled that God has chosen Katie and blessed her with His healing touch. I don't question that, as all of you have been so supportive and prayed for Katie over such a long period of time, He has heard each and every one of your prayers, and taken her pain away. I will be forever grateful for all of your encouragement and continued prayer! It's been incredibly difficult to process what has happened (although we clearly know!), as well a formulate the words to share Katie's story.

After talking with many adults that were present, and Paula, it is evident that we've truly experienced a miracle, God's healing touch. Katie no longer has RSD!

We are in awe of what has happened. We will forever be thankful for your prayers. We continue to give thanks that both Paula and her father were obedient to God's word! Paula shared with me that night that she has done things in her life she's not proud of (haven't we all), and didn't think God would ever be able to use her. God has used Paula in a mighty way! Praise God!

As a mother I'm fearful, cautious and concerned. Katie is quick to point out that, "I'm not medically healed, God has healed me mom. God's not going to come back and say, "Just kidding!" She's confident, and doesn't question the miracle from God she's just experienced. God has known for the last 2 1/2 years that this day would come, now we wait to see how He will use Katie.

Thank you to each of you for your continued support and prayer!

winter quarter

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 07:10:29 GMT

Three days of winter quarter down... a lot more to go. Here's how everything is going so far.

Orchestration: Not too bad, considering it's with Barata. Everyone I've talked to has told me to "get out of there as fast as I can," but I think I'm going to stick it out. I think it's interesting material, but if I tried to just teach it to myself, I wouldn't, so I'm taking the class to make myself learn it. Plus the book is AMAZING... it should be, for how much it cost.

Social Psych: Pretty good. Everyone in the class seems pretty nice. The professor does too, but she is kinda weird... she came in on the first day wearing a tank top, jeans, and Uggs. Mind you, she's like... in her 50's. And she swears, which I'm not a big fan of, but whatever. She really seems to know her stuff, so that's good.

Astronomy: Our professor is brand new... like, he graduated in November with his Ph.D. He's pretty cool though... very energetic and funny. I'm taking this with Trevor, and it would suck if he weren't in it. The 2-hour lecture basically consists of Dr. Keller talking for a few minutes and then turning us loose to work on these tutorial/workbook pages with partners. It's pretty interesting, but it did kind of give me a headache today.

Brass: There are only 5 of us in the class. It's geared a lot toward teaching younger kids to play brass instruments, which is nice. This week we just talked about the parts of the instruments and the harmonic series and such, and next week we're actually starting to play the instruments, yikes! Oh, and Woodruff is awesome. :D

Vocal Jazz: Not actually a "class" because I don't get units for it, but it's still worth talking about. It's more geared towards people who have experience singing solo jazz, and I definitely don't, but hopefully I will still be fine. We had to do improv tonight and I'm REALLY bad at it, but oh well. Heidi is in it, so that's exciting because now I actually get to see her!

Piano: Same as last quarter, pretty much. Except Morgan stole my keyboard, so the one I'm on now is kinda icky. Some of the notes don't like to sustain. Oh well.

Choirs: Ok, so this is the part that's annoying. I auditioned for PPhon this quarter, and Tom was like, "Well, you're definitely at the level to be in this group, but I don't have any more soprano spots. I may be able to let you in, but it's not likely." So... basically he let in a bunch of people who aren't necessarily as good as me, but they don't sing soprano, so they got in no problem. It's so frustrating because I KNOW I deserve to be in it. It should be a consolation that Tom thinks I'm good enough, but everyone else doesn't, and I'm really self-conscious about what other people think of me. It is mostly a pride issue and I'm willing to admit that. But it's also because U Singers can get kind of annoying because some people don't read music or anything and we have to stop and explain stuff, but in PPhon musicianship is expected. Plus PPhon always does really really good music that I would love to sing, and U Singers always seems to do either something really cheesy or Spanish. I dunno, I can understand that the group needs to be balanced, but how much difference could one soprano make? There are some altos who overpower the entire tenor section. It's just really annoying. Rawr.

Anywho. I should go to bed. Night!

Christmas break

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 23:28:30 GMT

I haven't updated in a while, so this is what I've been doing!

Enjoying Christmas break.
Singing in choir.
Getting volunteered for solos.
Driving Ryan around.
Seeing people I've missed.
Seeing people I haven't missed so much.
Going to movies.
Barely avoiding getting sick.
Christmas shopping.
Wrapping presents.
Helping Ryan wrap presents.
Hanging out at Trevor's house.
Playing with my noice dog.
Going to Christmas in the Park.
Making gingerbread houses.
Christmas tree shopping.
Going to Sharks games.
Going on dates with Trevor.
Taking pictures.
Hanging out with my family.
Watching Disney channel.
Eating good food.
Staying up late.
Sleeping in till after 10.
Scrapbooking.
Listening to Christmas music.
Watching Christmas movies.
Enjoying Christmas break.

how God works

Sat, 02 Dec 2006 09:31:24 GMT

Here's a God-thing if I ever saw one.

Tonight was my first time back at large group in a month (FINALLY). All quarter the topic has been "Who am I?" as it relates to being in PCF, being an American Christian, being male or female, and so on. Tonight it was on race/ethnicity. We had an open mic time where people could get up and share how God has met them in the context of their ethnicity, and I was feeling led, so I got up and was like, "Hi... I'm actually Jewish..." *insert collective "Wow!" from the lecture hall* I talked about how it's really cool to see how Christianity is the completion of Judaism, and also about how it gives me the opportunity to witness to my Jewish relatives who don't understand how a loving God could let something like the Holocaust happen. I only talked for about 2 minutes, and then I sat down and other people got up to speak. After large group, people started getting up to leave, and a girl I didn't know came over and grabbed my hand and was like, "Can I talk to you? Like, right now?" So I sat down with her, and she was like, "You said you're Jewish. My roommate and best friend is Jewish, and she has been knowingly surrounding herself with Christian roommates, and I want to know... what is your story?? I want the same thing for her." I was totally blown away. I told her I grew up in the church and didn't exactly have a story, but I told her my mom's story, and she was like, "Wow... that is so encouraging! Thank you so much!" I told her I would be praying for her roommate, and also encouraged her to just keep witnessing through her actions.

It's so crazy because I've been praying for God to reveal Himself to me in ways that He never has before. Popera last night was one thing, but this was amazing. He's never used me like that before, at least not that I know of. I just hope what I said to her is helpful, and I hope that my prayers will be helpful too. God really works in amazing ways when you ask Him to. :)

Popera!

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 08:30:20 GMT

Tonight was our quarterly student voice recital. The theme this quarter was Popera, which is basically pop music sung in kind of an operatic or classical style... or the opposite (operatic/foreign language pieces sung in a more pop style). Normally we have our recitals in the choir room, but this time we had it in Spanos Theatre and we all had to get dressed up... as in like, formal gowns. It went really well, and it was really fun too. I sang the Charlotte Church version of "Psalm 23". It was actually really cool... Jackie and Katherine had told us to take a few minutes and "turn on the performance switch", so while I was in the wings before I went on, I didn't hum or stretch or anything... I just prayed. "God, this isn't my song anymore... it's Yours. Take it and take my voice, and let me focus on worshipping You. Let this be an offering, and let me please You with it. This is for You." And it was like, my best solo performance ever. I felt soooo good about it... it was just a really strong performance overall. As soon as I got offstage, Katherine gave me this huge hug, and as soon as I got out of the green room, I was like, "YES!!! Thank You Lord!!!" Ahhhhh, it was soooo cool. :D

And then I sat around for like, the next 2 hours till the finale. We all went onstage during the last song, "Time to Say Goodbye", and sang along. It was pretty cool, and we got a huge standing ovation, which was pretty exciting. So yeah! Everyone did an awesome job, and it was lots of fun. :)

blah

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 07:29:29 GMT

I think I go through these periods of feeling emotionally down, where the smallest thing that someone does (or doesn't do) makes me upset, even if it was unintentional. And I'm kind of in one right now. A bunch of my friends got together tonight, and even though I was invited, I couldn't go because I was already busy. That was kind of upsetting, especially in light of the whole girlfriends thing (see previous post). I want to stay friends with people, but that's hard to do when I can't ever go to anything, or when the whole situation makes me feel used.

It also hurts me when I am upset and people fail to notice, especially people close to me. It's not always their fault, but it's not that hard to tell, is it? It feels like everyone is in their own world, not really realizing that sometimes they hurt me, or even if they do realize it, not doing anything to fix it. I don't get it. And along the lines of support... someone was telling me today about how they have this great mentor who's really helpful to them, in terms of planning for their future and stuff. I was happy for the person, but I wish I had someone like that. I don't really know anyone who has been in my situation before, or have anyone to act as my mentor, and everything just seems impossible right now because of it.

Or maybe it's the fact that in the last 24 hours, I've found out about 3 different married couples whose marriages are struggling for one reason or another. It doesn't make me not want to get married or anything, but it kind of shakes my faith in the strength of marriage, I guess. When I get married, is it going to be like that? Is all the happiness going to disappear and everything just going to turn into a burden? Even if I have a strong relationship with my husband when we get married, is it going to weaken over the years like apparently so many others are? That's pretty upsetting to think about.

And... I don't really feel like God is the center of my life right now. I want Him to be sooo badly, and I really keep trying to make that happen, but I always screw up and end up right back where I was. Or like, I pray about it at night and in the morning, but during the day when I could be making choices to make God the center, my mind is busy on other things that aren't necessarily God-honoring, but that have just become cognitive habits, if you will. I don't know how to get over that, and it's so frustrating.

Maybe I should just go to bed. Leave me a comment if you have some real, substantial words of encouragement (i.e. more than just "smile, Jesus loves you") or any suggestions as to what I should do. Don't leave me a comment if you're just going to be sympathetic and fake, or if you're going to tell me how good I have it and how your situation is so much worse. Spare me that, and pray for me instead.

girlfriends

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 08:40:11 GMT

You know... when most girls write about a topic like this, it's because they're upset and worried about not having a boyfriend. Obviously I don't have that problem... I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love very much and who means the world to me. My problem is the opposite... I wish I had more close girlfriends.

I feel like I've drifted away from most of the girlfriends that I do have. I guess what happened was that I was gone last year, so my girlfriends at home grew closer to each other and further away from me. When I tried to make girlfriends here first quarter, none of them really reciprocated my effort. Then when I finally did get into a group of friends here (my PCF Bible study), the girls in it were already closer to each other than they ever really got to me. And every time I went home to my friends there, they were all happy to see me, but it was happy in the way that people are happy to see returning alumni, not to see a friend who they haven't seen in a while. They were all still a really tight bunch and I was on the outside looking in and trying to get in. And every time I think I might be getting closer to one of them, I look away for 10 seconds and they're gone. It's like I never made all that effort or something. I just want some girlfriends who I can talk to about everything, who know everything about me, who will check up on me often and support me... but I don't feel like I'm getting any of that from 99% of the girlfriends I have. I don't want to always be the one making all the effort or always being the one giving the support. I need support and encouragement sometimes too, and I'm sick of feeling used and abandoned.

I feel bad talking about this or almost even thinking it, because I don't want to make Trevor feel like I don't need him (which I do) or like he doesn't give me enough love and support (which he does). But there's something about girlfriends that is a different bond. Girls understand each other on a different level... that is, as long as we care to understand.

Girls, if you consider yourself my friend, do me a favor and answer this: What is it about me, or what happened, that makes you not want to make an effort to really talk to me or spend time with me? Is it because I was gone last year and you all just got closer to each other? Is it because I spend a lot of time with Trevor and you don't think I would want to spend time with you? Is it because you find me absolutely irritating and just don't want to associate with me at all? Whatever the reason, could you at least tell me? I'm really hurt over this, and I have been for quite a while. And if you do decide to make an effort and meet me halfway in a friendship, I don't want it to be just for a little while because you feel sorry for me. It needs to be genuine, or there's really no point in even trying. I don't want to be a friend you have just to suffice when there's no one else. I know you're all capable of this kind of support and friendship, because you give a ton of it to each other... just not to me. So I'm letting you know that I need it.

Christmas music!

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 08:35:05 GMT

Trevor was sadly lacking in Christmas music, so I sent him everything I had on my computer. That inspired me to give you guys my top 10 list of Christmas songs/arrangements you HAVE to listen to/download/buy from iTunes... in no particular order till like, the top 3...

10. "Not That Far From Bethlehem" by Point of Grace
9. "Good News" by Avalon... oh the Forgiven memories... :DDD
8. "The Night Before Christmas" by Steven Curtis Chapman
7. "Welcome to Our World" by Amy Grant/Michael W. Smith/Chris Rice... take your pick
6. "A Strange Way to Save the World" by 4Him
5. "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" by Steven Curtis Chapman
4. "Breath of Heaven" by Amy Grant
3. "Gloria" by Michael W. Smith... upbeat, clever arrangement of "Angels We Have Heard on High"
2. "O Holy Night" by Point of Grace... beautiful song, and their arrangement of it is really creative
1. "In the First Light" by GLAD... they're a 5-man a capella group, but they sound like 30... and this song is AMAZING.

beauty, nostalgia, and sentimentality

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 09:56:08 GMT

I'm at home again this weekend (we had today off school), and tonight I randomly got in the mood to pull out all my old formal dresses and try them on. Surprisingly, they all fit. But more importantly than that, I remembered wearing each of them and the specific memories associated with each dress, and also how beautiful I felt wearing each one for the first, second, third time. And it was kind of sad to realize that I'm probably not going to feel that beautiful again until my wedding day. I mean, yes, I know I can feel beautiful on any given regular day, but I mean "beautiful" as in putting forth a lot of time and effort to make sure everything looks absolutely perfect, and looking at the princess in the mirror and hardly recognizing yourself. Seeing the look on your guy's face when he sees you for the first time and his eyes light up and he gives you the "you take my breath away" smile. Seeing your dad almost tear up when he comes in and sees you and realizes you're growing up. Seeing the pictures for months afterward and still feeling good about how you looked. You just FEEL beautiful, and for once you don't have to worry about how you look. I loved experiencing that, especially since I've struggled so much with my appearance and how I perceive myself. And I'm sad that I might not get to experience it again until my wedding day, and that might be the last time.

It also made me miss high school and the memories I have from wearing each dress. The dances, the various guys (some that I enjoy remembering more than others), the groups of friends, the planning, the inside jokes, the laughter, the special moments that made up the whole experience... those are over now. Sometimes I wish I could get them back, and other times I'm ok with that part of my life being over. It was nice not having to worry so much about preparing for the future, but it's also nice being past all that drama. Of course, "all that drama" ended up leading me to the most amazing guy ever, so it's worth it. :) I'm glad I found someone who treats me like a princess no matter what, and who thinks I'm beautiful even when I think I look my worst. It makes it much easier to see myself in a positive light when I'm surrounded by someone who lets me know that he sees me the way God wanted me to be seen in the first place.

home for the weekend!

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 07:06:26 GMT

I came home this weekend for my dad's birthday. It was yesterday (Friday), and I surprised him and came home. :D We went to dinner with the Pierces at the Wine Cellar, this place in Los Gatos.

This morning I had to take Ryan to Valley for basketball at 8 AM (EW), and I didn't want to drive all the way home in case I had to pick him up at 11, so I just went to Trevor's house instead, since it's like halfway. We walked downtown with his parents and got Jamba Juice and Starbucks, and then we just chillaxed on the couch.

I ended up not having to pick Ryan up, so I went to Katie's house and we drove over to Santa Clara University to visit Charlotte. It was a lot of fun... we saw her dorm room (which is HUGE!!) and then walked across the street to Round Table and had lunch, and then walked around the campus some more. It was so great to spend time with both of them... we had some really good, much needed conversations, and I feel a lot better about my relationships with my girlfriends now.

Later in the afternoon I went with my dad and Ryan to Scott's open house. He's leaving for the Navy on Wednesday, so this was his going-away party. A lot of my friends from church were there, including Cara (of course), so I got to talk to her a lot too. It was totally "catch up with girlfriends" day. So that was fun too. It's so weird that Scott's going, but I can totally see him doing well there.

Then tonight my parents had symphony tickets, so I ate dinner at home with them and went back to Trevor's. I love hanging out there... I always feel so welcome and at home. :)

And tonight we set the clocks back! Yay for an extra hour of sleep. :)

an update!

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 07:25:36 GMT

Ohmygoodness, I'm actually updating this for the first time in like, 4 weeks. Oops.

Classes are going well. I'm taking:

Cultural Anthropology- Not too difficult, just kind of boring after sitting through a 2 hour lecture in a crowded room with uncomfortable seats. It's a lot of reading, and kind of repetitive, but I don't hate it. The professor is actually an archaeologist named Jones, and his wife was born in Indiana. :D

General Psych- LOVE it. It kinda makes me wish I'd majored in psych, and I've already thought a few times about switching. O:) But I decided it's too much work. I'm still going to stick with the minor though, and take some extra classes just for fun. The professor is really cool... he's hilarious, and he mixes up the 2-hour class really well by throwing in video clips and stuff like that.

Music Theory III- Not nearly as much fun as Theory 2, probably because there are more people in the class and some of them are kind of obnoxious. Oh well. We're getting into some really complicated stuff like crazy modulations and chromatic mediants and all kinds of fun stuff like that. I'm still on top of it though, so that's good.

Piano IV- Actually a lot of fun. It's part of the series in prep for the piano proficiency exam, which I have to take at the end of this year. I've had enough piano experience that I don't have too much trouble staying on top of it, and it's really fun to be able to play again.

U Singers- Good as usual. Music isn't too hard, just fun.

Wind O- Eh. Our music is kinda lame this quarter. It's the Lord of the Rings symphony that's not the movie version, and then we're doing Harry Potter and also parts of the Odyssey symphony with Wind E. None of it is particularly exciting. We do have a new co-director this year, Mr. Woodruff, and he's AWESOME. I loves him. :D

Voice lessons- I'm getting along a LOT better with Katherine this year. I had a little struggle with Jackie earlier in the quarter because I'm not in practicum, but Katherine totally took my side and was like, "Jackie has students that aren't in practicum, and I don't know why she chose you to pick on, but I'll talk to her about it." So that was really cool.

I'm also the librarian for choir, which means I get paid $10 an hour to make copies for people who lose their music, and answer individual requests like, "Can I get one of those folders? I don't like loose music." Oh, and I also sort music and put away old music that's FINALLY trickling in from Europe. Sheesh people. ;)

I'm still doing the women's barbershop quartet. We just auditioned a new bass because Heidi didn't have time this quarter, and that's going pretty well. It's still tough being the only one who reads music, but Katja (the new bass) picks up stuff really quickly, and we almost have an entire song learned for our concert in 3 weeks.

As far as the roommate situation... well, that's a novel in itself. Let's just say we set some rules and Erin didn't like them (or that we wrote them, I guess), but instead of coming and talking to us about them, she decided to break or pretend to break them all. I don't want to go into details because I'm still really angry at her about what she did, but she was EXTREMELY immature about it and definitely didn't act like a 19 year old college student. Michelle is about ready to kill her (and I'm getting there too), and Jess is waffling back and forth, which I don't really understand because I don't really think there's any way to justify Erin's actions. Things exploded last night and I spent the night in Trevor's room. Luckily when I came back briefly this afternoon everyone had mostly cooled down, but I'm still almost afraid to be here, or at least to leave my room. Which is sad because I LIVE here. Jess is gone for the weekend, but when she comes back we're going to sit down and have a talk, so hopefully things will get resolved. I would really appreciate your prayers on this situation.

To end with something uplifting, I joined the Santa Lucia PCF Bible study sort of by accident. O:) They were meeting in Trevor and Tyson's room one night while Trevor and I were at Wind O, and we got back and walked into the room to find about 10 other people in there... all guys except for one girl leader. So we sat down and joined them, and now I'm part of the study. :D It's actually really nice. It's a group to go to PCF with, and I needed to get plugged into a Bible study, and the one in Cerro just didn't really sound appealing, I guess. But PCF has really been getting me through the long weeks. It's been soooo good for me, not that there was ever any doubt. I've been trying really hard to be consistent with my Bible reading and my prayer time, just because I know that's what's going to get me through everything. I just need those reminders that God is faithful and that His strength is what gets me through the day, not my own.

rawr

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 23:28:36 GMT

Every parent/grandparent in this apartment needs to leave and STOP REARRANGING OUR STUFF.

That is all.

SLO and apartment

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 18:15:35 GMT

I'm back in SLO and all moved in! My apartment is amazing! :D I loves it. I'm the first one here, so I put my kitchen stuff in a couple of the cabinets and drawers... there are plenty for all of us to have a couple of each. The fridge is pretty spacious too. And my room is so cute! I finished setting up and decorating this morning, so I'm posting pictures for you to admire. :D

My room from the doorway

Bookshelf and puppy posters

Isn't my bed cute??

Desk

My amazing view... Tyson said I should take a picture every day and then at the end of the year, play them in a fast forward slide show

Inside my wardrobe

Picture collages: church and Cal Poly friends

Trevor and Valley collages

Family collage

Bathroom

More bathroom... note the lack of counter space

Shower

Cute little dining room table

Kitchen!

And living room... Trevor and Ryan said it looks like a hospital waiting room... I think it needs a rug and some stuff on the walls

We got here yesterday at about 11:45 and checked in. Trevor and Tyson came up and found us, and we went to lunch and then came back and unloaded. My mom and Ryan went to the grocery store, and Trevor and I went to get my parking pass hanger and my books. Then my family left (and my mom didn't cry this time, thank goodness), and I went to Trevor's room to help him get his stuff all organized. Tyson and Eric walked in, and we all hung out in there for a while. Then we started getting hungry, so we went to check out Eric's room, and then they all came over and I fed them leftover lasagna and caesar salad. It was fun using my kitchen. :D They even helped with the dishes! At 8 they had a dorm meeting, so I unpacked some more. After the meeting, Trevor came back and we went to Rite Aid, and then went our separate ways.

This morning they all had WOW, so I finished decorating and all that fun stuff. I think I'm enjoying being the only one here, at least for a while. Jess is coming sometime this afternoon or evening, and then Erin and Michelle are coming Wednesday.

And I must say, it is absolutely amazing living within a 5 minute walk from Trevor. :)

tomorrow!

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 19:59:29 GMT

Tomorrow I go back to school. For once I'm looking forward to it, and I'm sure you can all imagine why. :) I was at Trevor's house last night, and we were packing his car and his dad's truck, and I was thinking about how much harder it would be if we weren't going to the same school. As soon as I thought about it, his dad was like, "Kelly, isn't this much easier knowing he's not leaving you?" I was like, "YES!!!" They left this morning and are probably there now, and I'm leaving tomorrow morning.

On the way home last night, Trevor was like, "How in the world did you leave last year?" He's having a hard enough time leaving his family and his home, and he said he couldn't imagine how it was for me to also leave him and all my friends. I guess I just didn't know what I was in for. Looking back, I have no idea how I did it, but since I didn't know what to expect, it was easier to leave. Ignorance is bliss, I guess.

Anyway, I should go finish packing and getting ready. Bye!

I haven't done one of these in a while...

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 21:07:38 GMT

YOU..
:x: name: Kelly
:x: piercings: one hole in each ear
:x: tattoos: none
:x: height: 5'2"
:x: hair color: dark brown
:x: age: 19
:x: birthday: August 31
:x: status: happily taken :)
:x: school: Cal Poly
:x: eye color: brown

LAST..
:x: movie you rented: my mom and I rented "Dreamer" and "The New World" last night
:x: movie you bought: and then we bought "You've Got Mail" and "The Notebook" today
:x: song you listened to: I'm listening to the U Singers recording of "Nigra Sum" right now
:x: song stuck in you head: "Stars and Stripes Forever"
:x: cd you bought: hmmm... I don't remember
:x: cd you listened to: Point of Grace's "I Choose You"
:x: person you've called: Ryan
:x: person that's called you: Ryan
:x: person you've hugged: Sally, I think, at church this morning
:x: person you've kissed: Trevor
:x: person you've fought with: I can't remember... I rarely fight with people
:x: person you complimented: I told Trevor his piano playing was noice O:)
:x: tv show you've watched: "Full House"
:x: class you went to: I'm in 3rd grade at Marshall Lane :D

DO..
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else: nope O:)
:x: you believe in online dating: not really
:x: others find you attractive: Trevor does... I dunno about anyone else
:x: you want more piercings: nope
:x: you write in cursive or print: cursive
:x: you carry donor card: no
:x: believe in long distance relationships: yes! they do work!
:x: using someone: no
:x: believe in killing people: I'm assuming this means do I believe it's ok... so no
:x: believe in teenage smoking: no
:x: believe in driving drunk: no
:x: believe in gay/lesbian relationship: I don't think it's right
:x: you watch soap operas: no

FAVORITE..
:x: food: chocolate! and pink stuff
:x: song: "Every Season" by Nichole Nordeman
:x: thing to do: hang out with Trevor :) oh, and sing
:x: thing to talk about: what kind of question is this? I'll talk about anything really
:x: sports: hockey
:x: drink: water
:x: movie: "Sound of Music"
:x: X-men: I don't have one
:x: saying: ummm... Trevor has some pretty awesome quotes ;)
:x: disney movie: "Beauty and the Beast"
:x: scent: vanilla... or Downy O:)
:x: word: I don't really have one
:x: nickname: my favorite nickname for myself is Kel
:x: guy name: like for a future child? I have no idea
:x: girl name: see above
:x: eye color: any
:x: flower: roses
:x: class: any music class

HAVE YOU..
:x: ever cried over a guy: yes
:x: ever lied to someone: yes
:x: ever been in a fist fight: no
:x: ever been arrested: no
:x: ever eaten frog legs: no

NUMBER..
:x: of times I have been in love: one for real
:x: of times I have had my heart broken: one
:x: of hearts I have broken: hopefully none
:x: of drugs taken illegally: none
:x: of things in my past that I regret: quite a few... nothing huge, just little mistakes

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE..
:x: pretty: mildly attractive, I guess
:x: funny: sometimes I make people laugh
:x: hot: no
:x: friendly: usually
:x: ugly: no
:x: lovable: I hope so O:)
:x: pessimistic: I try not to be
:x: optimistic: most of the time
:x: caring: yeah
:x: sweet: I onose O:)
:x: dorky: yes :D
:x: stubborn: not really
:x: random: not really

RANDOM..
:x: spell your first name backwards: Yllek
:x: the story behind your sn: one of my friends in middle school used to call me Kelio, and I liked the number 13 because no one else did
:x: are you straight: yes
:x: where do you live: San Jose and SLO
:x: sn: kelio13
:x: numbers in your cell phone: nope, sorry
:x: shampoo: Paul Mitchell Super Skinny
:x: soap: I think the one I have now is Gardenia from Bath & Body Works

DESCRIBE YOUR..
:x: wallet: blue, green, and white stripes
:x: hairbrush: big and black
:x: toothbrush: purple and white, wearing out
:x: jewelery worn daily: cross necklace from Trevor, birthstone ring, watch, some pair of earrings
:x: pillow cover: blue and white striped
:x: blanket: denim
:x: coffee cup: I don't have a particular one
:x: sunglasses: small and black
:x: shoes: mostly flip flops
:x: handbag: one is black with Mozart music, one has green, blue, and yellow flowers, one is just a simple black purse with white stitching
:x: favorite top: I have a lot... mostly V-neck T-shirts
:x: CD in stereo right now: I'm listening to iTunes
:x: what you are wearing now: brown V-neck, jeans
:x: hair: down and blow-dried wavy
:x: make up: concealer, powder, tiny bit of blush

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)..
:x: in my mouth: nothing
:x: in my head: a headache :\
:x: wishing: I wasn't getting sick
:x: after this: I'll do something else
:x: talking to: no one :(
:x: eating: nothing yet, but I want some chocolate
:x: if you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason: no one!
:x: person you wish you could see right now: Trevor... is anyone surprised?
:x: is next to you: my stuffed puppy
:x: something you're looking forward to in this upcoming month: moving back to SLO
:x: something that you are deathly afraid of: stupid ski lifts and those kinds of things
:x: do you like candles: yeah, they're ok
:x: hot wax: not really
:x: do you like incense: no
:x: do you believe in love: yes
:x: do you believe in soul mates: sort of... I believe God destines you to be with a certain person
:x: do you believe in love at first sight: no
:x: do you believe in forgiveness: yes
:x: do you believe in God: yes
:x: who is your worst enemy: I don't have enemies
:x: what is the latest you've ever stayed up: 4? 4:30?
:x: can you eat with chopsticks: yeah, sort of

You
--->Name On Birth Certificate? Kelly Lauren Eshoff
--->Nicknames? Kel, Kelly Girl, Keeks
--->Any other names you might have? none
--->Would you change your name? nah, I like it
--->If so, what would you change it to? nothing
--->Where do you live? San Jose and SLO
--->Where have you lived? San Jose and SLO
--->Where would you like to live? hmm... I like the Bay Area, but it's so expensive... so SLO maybe? or in that area
--->Where are you glad you don't live? freaking Los Angeles
--->Hobbies? singing, reading, wakeboarding, scrapbooking
--->Hidden Talents? everyone knows about my talents ;)

--->Had a serious illness? not that serious
--->Been happy about someones death? no!
--->Killed an animal? nope
--->Had sex? no
--->Been sexually attracted to a cartoon character? no, that's weird
--->Caused a riot? nope
--->Taken part in a riot? nope
--->Eaten a bug? no
--->Been on stage? lots of times
--->Joined a gang? no
--->Been mentally disturbed? nope
--->Smoked? no
--->Drank? I've had like... a sip of a couple different alcoholic drinks that belonged to other people, but that's it
--->Stolen? no
--->Used someone? no
--->Wished to die? no
--->Streaked? no
--->Questioned God's existance? sometimes :\
--->Cursed at God? no
--->Stalked someone online? no
--->Had a sexual fantasy? no
--->Taken pills? only legal ones

Out of my friends, who is the
--->Loudest? Sean
--->Quietest? Katie H
--->Smartest? all my friends are really smart
--->Dumbest? Laura ;) just kidding, she has no common sense, but she's very intelligent... same with Ian
--->Cutest? they're all hot!!!
--->Uglyest? none
--->Funniest? all of them when we're all together
--->Dullest? what a terrible question!
--->Skinniest? uhhh... I have no idea
--->Fattest? also terrible!
--->Most Fashionable? Cara always looks really cute
--->Least Fashionable? I don't know
--->Most Opptimistic? Katie D
--->Most Pessimistic? Kei
--->Cries Most? none of them really
--->Cries Least? probably all the guys
--->Most Trustworthy? they all are... that's why they're my friends!
--->Least Trustworthy? none
--->Most Honest? Trevor... he's both blunt and diplomatic
--->Least Honest? none
--->Best for advice? I usually go to Trevor or Laura
--->Worst for advice? none... they're all usually willing to help
--->Most likely to become gay? a couple already are
--->Most likey to become famous? I could see Ian becoming a famous movie composer
--->Most likely to become a serial killer? hahaha... Nate
--->Most likely to commit suicied? none! all my friends are happy!
--->Most likey to go mentally insane? Jess :D just kidding dear!
--->Most likely to pose for playboy? none
--->Most likey to become a saint? Jess
--->Most likely to become president? I guarantee it's gonna be someone that no one expects... like Josh
--->Who would you trust with your life? almost all of them

My Favorite
--->Letter? no clue
--->Color? blue
--->Number? I dunno
--->Word? how about chocolate
--->Movie? "Sound of Music"
--->Rapper? ew, I hate rap
--->Pop group? I hate pop too
--->Rock band? I don't know
--->R&B singer? I don't listen to R&B
--->Pop singer? see above
--->R&b group? see above
--->Shape? I'm in shape! Round is a shape!
--->Person? Trevor!
--->Relative? I like them all :)
--->Old Song? "Come Fly With Me"
--->New Song? "Every Season"
--->CD? lots
--->TV Show? "That's So Raven"
--->Movie Soundtrack? "Phantom of the Opera"... but the Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman one, not the movie one
--->Channel? Disney channel!
--->Parent? bolth
--->Restaurant? oi vey... no clue
--->Drink? water
--->Food? chocolate and pink stuff... and most fruits
--->Snack? Ritz crackers
--->Shoe Brand? flip flops :D
--->Underwear? the kind I wear
--->Season? I really like winter... I love Christmas :)
--->Sport? hockey
--->Dance? I like swing dancing, but waltzing is good too
--->Weapon? what the...?
--->Sin? I don't like sinning
--->Smell? Downy... or vanilla
--->Shampoo? Paul Mitchell Super Skinny

Last person you.
--->kissed? Trevor
--->Hugged? Sally
--->Slept with? I nap with Trevor all the time
--->Licked? ew!
--->Ate? ummm
--->Cursed out? no one
--->Intensionally hurt? no one
--->Punched? no one
--->Loved? I love Trevor :)
--->Killed? no one!
--->Danced with? probably Trevor, like in his kitchen or something
--->Liked? Trevor
--->Stalked? no one
--->Hated? I don't hate people, but there are a couple I extremely dislike
--->Gave the finger to? no one
--->Cried with? Trevor
--->Fought with? probably Ryan
--->Talked with? my mom
--->Laughed with? probably my mom and her friends during the movie last night
--->Made bleed? no one that I know of
--->Cuddled with? Trevor
--->Played with? I played Spades with Trevor online the other night
--->Ate with? my mom
--->Hung out with? my mom
--->Sung with? people at church

one more week till I leave!

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 06:12:57 GMT

I'm actually really excited to go back to SLO. It might be a first for all of you who knew me as always being really excited to go home last year. ;) But since Trevor will be there, SLO will be that much nicer. O:)

Work has been going pretty well. Daniel is a really cute, sweet, smart kid, and after seeing some of the other special ed kids and their aides, I'm really thankful to be Daniel's aide. O:) He's only had one meltdown (which I actually wasn't there for... I had already left), and it happened when he was taking a math assessment test and got to a problem he didn't know and freaked out. Other than that though, he's been really good. To be honest, I think his parents have a bigger problem than he does. :X

Since I only work during school hours (and actually I get off an hour early because I don't take a lunch break), I've been able to spend the afternoons and evenings with Trevor. Usually we make a run up to Valley to pick up our brothers, and then alternate days hanging out at my house and his house. It's been really nice spending so much time with him. :)

Last weekend I went to Tahoe with my family and Trevor. My aunt is the choir director at her church in Sacramento, and every year they have their choir retreat at Zephyr Point, a Presbyterian conference center on Tahoe's south shore. They have a regular accompanist, but he fell and broke his shoulder not long ago, so my aunt asked my dad to play piano for the retreat, and we all went. My cousins Shannon and Aimee were there too, so that was a lot of fun. Trevor and I sang in the choir for the weekend, and we were literally the youngest people by about 50 years. :D It was Trevor's first time singing in a choir, but he did really well. He sings bass, and it was easier for him since he plays tuba and it's like the same part.

That's about all that's been going on with me... just enjoying the end of summer and getting ready for school. Hope everyone else is doing well! :)